When I'm Gone
by jeanvaljeanralphio
Summary: Daryl thinks about Beth after she dies.


They slept together, once. Nothing sexual happened, no, nothing weird like that. It was one of the first nights, and he was on watch, and she was crying about her daddy, so he crawled over and wrapped his arms around her. She cried harder at first, but she fell asleep on his chest after a little while, and he likes to think that helped her a lot.

He never told her that it helped him to feel her breathing against him. Just knowing there was another living person. That helped him more than words could've expressed.

_You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon._

She's just a kid. He told himself that over and over as he watched her shoot bolts from his crossbow, and as she drank that moonshine, and as she lit that house on fire, flipping the bird for the whole world to see.

At the moment, the whole world was just him, and that was fine.

He felt free when he held up his own middle finger. That's for the past. That's for Merle. That's for his drunk father, and every bruise (or lash or broken bone or worse) he gave to his two boys. That's for the sorrow and the dwelling and the things that held him back. That's for the fear that he'd end up like his old man.

_You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon._

He felt safe with her, even though they were in so much danger. She wasn't afraid to tell him when he was being an asshole, and she still saw the best in him, and she still believed in good things. It surprised him how much he liked being around her. The little daddy's girl princess who tried to kill herself once.

But who, he asked himself, hasn't tried at least once?

She sang and she laughed and she told him she wouldn't need him soon. He hummed and laughed and joked along with her. It really wasn't so bad, the two of them in the woods. It was something he was used to, but with much better company.

They didn't judge each other, not really, not once they got used to each other. She'd lost her daddy, same way he'd lost Merle. They were both lost. She was a kid on her own for the first time. In a lot of ways, so was he. She got him up in the morning. She kept him moving. She kept him searching.

_You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon._

And then she was gone, and he couldn't reach her, and all he could think about was how he hadn't even come close to repaying her for what she gave him. She was hope and light. She was home, in her own little way.

He ran until he couldn't anymore, and he walked with the wrong crowd, and he found his people, but she wasn't there. He was nearly eaten, and he escaped, and they all got away, but she wasn't there. They found the church, and tried to rebuild, but she wasn't there.

No one seemed too interested in finding her, not even her own sister. He knew he shouldn't judge. A lot of things happened between the prison and that moment, and besides he was forced to leave Merle in Atlanta, but it still stung.

He followed Carol one night, partially because he didn't want her to run off again, partially because he hoped that she, of all people, would understand why he needed to find Beth.

And there was the car, and they followed it, and it lead them to Atlanta, of all places. He thought he'd left that place behind for good. Good riddance. It's all concrete and dirt, topped off with an airport.

_You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon._

He wishes now that he could take it all back. He wishes he had been smarter about going into Atlanta. He wishes he had done more.

She was right there. She was scratched up something fierce, but she was there. Almost close enough for him to touch. He wanted to bundle her in his arms again, like when he helped her sleep that one night, and he wanted to feel how safe she was, and he wanted to tell her everything he hadn't.

He wanted to.

He wanted to do a lot.

But something went wrong.

Beth stabbed down with something he couldn't see, and then that woman, Dawn, she had her gun out, and then Beth was on the floor. Blood was pooling everywhere. He could've sworn the room got darker.

After that he remembers pulling a trigger, and not much else, until Rick was telling everyone to back out and get away. But he couldn't just leave her there. A few different pairs of hands offered to help, but he didn't want any. He picked her up, and she was so small and frail.

She's like a doll. He looks down at her in his arms, and she almost doesn't look real. This isn't how Beth is. Beth is laughing and singing and getting on his last nerve. She's a wrinkled nose when he eats a pig's foot, and her tears when her daddy died. She's the smirk when she pulls the trigger on the crossbow and hits a walker.

_You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon._

As he walks out into the bright Atlanta sun, and sees the rest of their group, and hears Maggie's screams, he looks back down at the girl in his arms. He only has one real thought left.

_You were right._


End file.
